I have slowly been working my way through the Old Testament... and I do mean slowly. Having just completed the book of Numbers, I have to admit that launching straight into Deuteronomy isn't something I was super excited about doing. However, it's only 34 chapters and I resolved to myself that I could, in fact, power through. Call me what you will: unspiritual, lazy, a terrible person... it's probably all true. But you have to admit, some Biblical passages are just hard. However, I am always so glad in retrospect that I committed to reading them because there are sometimes little nuggets tucked in that make all of the "and they set out from (point a) and passed through (point b), etc. etc. etc." worth it.
If I haven't already made it very clear, I sometimes get bored when I'm reading the Old Testament. Especially the Pentateuch which, despite a degree in Theology, I still struggle to pronounce correctly. Anyway, today I set out to tackle Deuteronomy chapter 4. Honestly, I couldn't imagine what I would possibly get out of today's passage other than getting to check off that I had read it. So I decided to read aloud to myself to keep my mind focused. As I read, I began to be engrossed in what Moses was saying to the people of Israel and soon found tears pooling in my eyes. If you didn't know, Deuteronomy is mostly made up of sermons given by Moses to Israel, mostly reflecting on the mistakes Israel had made leading up to the point in which the sermons are given. They are waiting to go into the Promised Land, but Moses is warning them that if they fall back into idolatry (as they were so prone to do) or fail to keep the law, they will be exiled. When we come to Deuteronomy 4:32, Moses begins to speak about the Lord alone being God. "For ask now of the days that are past, which were before you, since the day that God created man on the earth, and ask from one end of heaven to the other, whether such a great thing as this has ever happened or was ever heard of. Did any people ever hear the voice of a god speaking out of the midst of the fire, as you have heard, and still live? Or has any god ever attempted to go and take a nation for himself from the midst of another nation, by trials, by signs, by wonders, and by war, by a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, and by great deeds of terror, all of which the Lord your God did for you in Egypt before your eyes? To you it was shown, that you might know that he might discipline you. And on earth he let you see his great fire, and you heard his words out of the midst of the fire. And because he loved your fathers and chose their offspring after them and brought you out of Egypt with his own presence, by his great power, driving out before you nations greater and mightier than you, to bring you in, to give you their land for an inheritance, as it is to this day, know therefore today, and lay it to your heart, that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other." Maybe you don't relate to that like I do. But as I read that aloud to myself, tears began to form because how many times has God brought me out of my own Egypt? How many times has He chosen me, specifically, to be a part of something so much greater than myself when I am so undeserving? In my head, I read "And because he loved YOU, Ashton, and chose YOU and brought YOU out of the life you were living, by his great power, driving away all the things that should have stood in your way, to bring YOU in, to give YOU an inheritance, as it is to this day, know therefore today, and lay it to your heart, that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other." I'll be completely transparent with you right now. I've been having a really hard time lately. I spent the last two years of my life being exactly where I knew God needed me, doing what I knew He had called me to do. I knew because there's no way any of it could have happened without Him. It was all Him. And when the time came for me to leave, I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. I've been back in the states two months and I'm still lost and confused. I don't know what I'm doing except just trying to get through each day and find my purpose while I'm here. Each night I dream of home and each day I yearn to be back in the city I love, with the people I love, doing the work of God that I love. The only chapter in my life that ever made complete sense has ended, and I have a new chapter of unknown stretching before me. I don't know how to relate to anyone or connect with anyone because everything that used to be so familiar to me no longer is. All the hopes and dreams I have been storing away seem to have slipped my grasp and can no longer be seen. But do you know what? I can't help but rejoice in knowing that God has such a great plan for me. I know He does, I know He has called me to more than the here and now. So as I trip and stumble through all of this unknown, I do it knowing that soon God will bring me to a place I never could have imagined, and definitely don't deserve. And how do I know? Because He has done it before. Verse 7 says, "For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as the Lord our God is to us, whenever we call upon him?" God loves us so much. So much. How amazing is it that I can call on Him through every confusion, and trust that He will work everything out for my good? Because He WILL work everything out for our good. All we have to do is stay faithful to Him and put our FULL trust in Him. (I realise this isn't really a life update. Hopefully I'll actually post one of those soon. Or even a recap of the last year. We shall see.) Things I love right now: 1. Spotify Premium (and my worship playlist on it). 2. Podcasts (Mark Gungor and Hidden Brain are the two I've been listening to lately). 3. The beginning of cold weather. 4. Adult colouring. 5. Sending and receiving snail mail. If you want to be my pen-pal, send me your address.
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AuthorAshton. 32. Born in Texas, living in Arkansas, heart in Scotland. Archives
October 2017
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