I have slowly been working my way through the Old Testament... and I do mean slowly. Having just completed the book of Numbers, I have to admit that launching straight into Deuteronomy isn't something I was super excited about doing. However, it's only 34 chapters and I resolved to myself that I could, in fact, power through. Call me what you will: unspiritual, lazy, a terrible person... it's probably all true. But you have to admit, some Biblical passages are just hard. However, I am always so glad in retrospect that I committed to reading them because there are sometimes little nuggets tucked in that make all of the "and they set out from (point a) and passed through (point b), etc. etc. etc." worth it.
If I haven't already made it very clear, I sometimes get bored when I'm reading the Old Testament. Especially the Pentateuch which, despite a degree in Theology, I still struggle to pronounce correctly. Anyway, today I set out to tackle Deuteronomy chapter 4. Honestly, I couldn't imagine what I would possibly get out of today's passage other than getting to check off that I had read it. So I decided to read aloud to myself to keep my mind focused. As I read, I began to be engrossed in what Moses was saying to the people of Israel and soon found tears pooling in my eyes. If you didn't know, Deuteronomy is mostly made up of sermons given by Moses to Israel, mostly reflecting on the mistakes Israel had made leading up to the point in which the sermons are given. They are waiting to go into the Promised Land, but Moses is warning them that if they fall back into idolatry (as they were so prone to do) or fail to keep the law, they will be exiled. When we come to Deuteronomy 4:32, Moses begins to speak about the Lord alone being God. "For ask now of the days that are past, which were before you, since the day that God created man on the earth, and ask from one end of heaven to the other, whether such a great thing as this has ever happened or was ever heard of. Did any people ever hear the voice of a god speaking out of the midst of the fire, as you have heard, and still live? Or has any god ever attempted to go and take a nation for himself from the midst of another nation, by trials, by signs, by wonders, and by war, by a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, and by great deeds of terror, all of which the Lord your God did for you in Egypt before your eyes? To you it was shown, that you might know that he might discipline you. And on earth he let you see his great fire, and you heard his words out of the midst of the fire. And because he loved your fathers and chose their offspring after them and brought you out of Egypt with his own presence, by his great power, driving out before you nations greater and mightier than you, to bring you in, to give you their land for an inheritance, as it is to this day, know therefore today, and lay it to your heart, that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other." Maybe you don't relate to that like I do. But as I read that aloud to myself, tears began to form because how many times has God brought me out of my own Egypt? How many times has He chosen me, specifically, to be a part of something so much greater than myself when I am so undeserving? In my head, I read "And because he loved YOU, Ashton, and chose YOU and brought YOU out of the life you were living, by his great power, driving away all the things that should have stood in your way, to bring YOU in, to give YOU an inheritance, as it is to this day, know therefore today, and lay it to your heart, that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other." I'll be completely transparent with you right now. I've been having a really hard time lately. I spent the last two years of my life being exactly where I knew God needed me, doing what I knew He had called me to do. I knew because there's no way any of it could have happened without Him. It was all Him. And when the time came for me to leave, I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. I've been back in the states two months and I'm still lost and confused. I don't know what I'm doing except just trying to get through each day and find my purpose while I'm here. Each night I dream of home and each day I yearn to be back in the city I love, with the people I love, doing the work of God that I love. The only chapter in my life that ever made complete sense has ended, and I have a new chapter of unknown stretching before me. I don't know how to relate to anyone or connect with anyone because everything that used to be so familiar to me no longer is. All the hopes and dreams I have been storing away seem to have slipped my grasp and can no longer be seen. But do you know what? I can't help but rejoice in knowing that God has such a great plan for me. I know He does, I know He has called me to more than the here and now. So as I trip and stumble through all of this unknown, I do it knowing that soon God will bring me to a place I never could have imagined, and definitely don't deserve. And how do I know? Because He has done it before. Verse 7 says, "For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as the Lord our God is to us, whenever we call upon him?" God loves us so much. So much. How amazing is it that I can call on Him through every confusion, and trust that He will work everything out for my good? Because He WILL work everything out for our good. All we have to do is stay faithful to Him and put our FULL trust in Him. (I realise this isn't really a life update. Hopefully I'll actually post one of those soon. Or even a recap of the last year. We shall see.) Things I love right now: 1. Spotify Premium (and my worship playlist on it). 2. Podcasts (Mark Gungor and Hidden Brain are the two I've been listening to lately). 3. The beginning of cold weather. 4. Adult colouring. 5. Sending and receiving snail mail. If you want to be my pen-pal, send me your address.
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Wow... I wish I had a good excuse for how long it has taken me to make a new blog post. The truth of the matter is that I am busy with school work, church work, or spending time with people... and when I have free time I just want to turn my brain off and relax. Since I last wrote I have been to Northern Ireland, Paris, the Ukraine, London, and the highlands! I have completed two (almost three) terms of school. I have grown in friendship with some of the best people in the world. I have lived a full life these last nine months. And now, graduation is only four weeks away. This is a bittersweet time. I'm excited to be DONE with writing essays and studying and being constantly busy... but I know I will never get these days back. It is impossible for me to be able to share every update since September, but I thought I could do a photo diary of sorts to give you all a brief summary of what life has been like. So, please enjoy! So, that's a short summary of the last nine months. Hopefully there won't be such a long pause between this and my next update.
Things I love right now: 1. Scotland (my love grows on the daily). 2. The fact that I see my family in four weeks. 3. The complete lack of homework I have had this week. 4. Having a tan from being outside in the sun! 5. Honey chicken. Well, it's been more than a week since my last update. This "weekly" thing is going well. I have been wanting to write for over a week but each time I start, I end up deleting any progress I make. I just haven't known what to say. In addition to that, I've also been writing quite a few essays so I haven't felt particularly inclined to sit down and write for my own amusement. Sometimes, I have so many things on my heart that I don't even know where to start writing. I tend to get so overwhelmed with an onslaught of thoughts and then they all just come out in jumbled sentences and gibberish. That may be the case for today's post, but hopefully there will be some clarity to be found in what I write. In four days, I will have been here for a month. I feel like I've been here for years. I also feel like my time here is going by so quickly that I have trouble going to sleep at night for fear of not relishing every moment spent here. I don't know what it is about this place, but I can say with complete sincerity that I have never been so happy in my life. I wake up happy, I go to class happy, I very happily eat the delicious lunches provided every day at one... I even take cold showers (I've had three this week) without getting too bent out of shape. I lay my head down at night with a happy heart, thankful for another day well spent. I've moved away from home a few times in the past and each move has been accompanied by homesickness and complete sadness. Now here I am, halfway across the world, and I am having nightmares about Texas. Two nights ago, I dreamed I was back home and all I could say in my dream was, "I'm not supposed to be here; I'm supposed to be in Scotland." I love my family and I love my home... but it doesn't even feel right to call it home right now. I've cried one time (read: shed two tears) and it was because I was thinking about having to leave. I'm full of so much joy and I know it's just God shining down on me. It's so wonderful being in His will and knowing I'm exactly where He wants me. He is the source of my joy and I'm so incredibly thankful for what He is already doing in my life. That's not even the tip of the iceberg regarding what's going on in my life (and in my head right now) but that's where I'm going to leave it. I have a test tomorrow and I need to study. Things I love right now:
1. The people I'm surrounded by on a daily basis. 2. Wearing cool weather clothes. 3. The time and opportunity to practice piano. 4. The ability to strive to be a better version of myself. 5. Having my mind blown on a daily basis by how much God loves us. It's nearly unfathomable to believe I've already been in Scotland for twelve days. I feel like I just arrived yesterday while simultaneously feeling like I have always been here. It's nice to feel at home 4,454 miles from home. It took me about a week to adjust to the time zone here and to finally beat my jet lag, but things are finally all evened out for me now. (Side note: Having jet lag and being a natural night owl is about the worst combination out there. I don't recommend it.) I love Glasgow. Everything I need is just a short walk away: groceries, shopping (trying to avoid this), parks, libraries, etc. Even though we are located near a lot of establishments and there is road noise most of the night, I still feel secluded in our own little area of Glasgow. I can walk 10 minutes or less to catch a bus to the City Centre where there is shopping, food, museums, and lots of busking. I've already made lasting friendships since arriving and God has already revealed so much to me. It's amazing how sometimes a step of faith is all we need to realize just how much He has planned for us. Honestly, I struggled so much with coming here. It's crazy, I know, but I'm definitely a "comfort zone" person and I fought God every step of the way. It's not that I didn't want to come; I was just so terrified. Terrified of change, terrified of being all alone in a foreign place, terrified of life, terrified of surrendering my will to His. I hadn't even been here 24 hours before I felt complete peace about being here. I'm not, and haven't been, homesick. I just sit and bask in God's grace and glory constantly. I keep telling people that He opened a door, pushed me through, and then locked it. He has already broken my will to His and I'm so incredibly thankful. What a wonderful life I'm living! I've been blessed to be able to just spend time learning about God and missions, serving Him, serving others, and all while experiencing life in a place I've always dreamed of but never thought I would actually see with my own eyes. I can't stress enough how very blessed I am. Please be in prayer for each of us (and Frances, who is missing from the picture) as we let God mold us into who He needs us to be. We are here to learn and be used and that's what we intend to do!
Things I love right now: 1. Walking everywhere. 2. The cool weather. 3. Drinking tea (with milk) several times a day. 4. Living in community. 5. Food. My appetite has gotten out of control. Hello!
Soon (as in, starting in one week) I will be posting weekly (read: as often as I remember/have time/feel like it) blog posts to keep friends and family updated on my adventures in Scotland. By the way, I'm moving to Glasgow for a year. This blog will probably be sporadic and random, but it will help me keep track of things that happen because I will take a journal and then not write in it. It's inevitable. Things I'm enjoying lately: 1. Audiobooks. 2. Godspell: The New Broadway Cast Recording. 3. Time spent with family. 4. My week with no job or responsibility. 5. Sleeping when, and for how long, I want. |
AuthorAshton. 32. Born in Texas, living in Arkansas, heart in Scotland. Archives
October 2017
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